Hi, I’m Chris and I am an Instagram Husband. It’s been ten days since my last picture…
Wait…that’s not right. Let me begin again. Hi, I’m Chris, or should I say Mr. Everyday Editor? Really, to borrow from a rather fun sketch, I’m the man behind the camera in front of the brick wall behind the well dressed woman. Still with me? Excellent.
So here’s the thing. I don’t know how many readers out there are active on The Instagram. I assume everyone is. Well other than me, never got the hang of it myself. However, I am almost completely positive that those of you who are on The Instagram have at one time treated a friend, family member, significant other, or perhaps even a kindly looking stranger as a human selfie stick.
Hey, it’s ok. You shall find no judgement here. All god’s creatures and all that. But for real. Human. Selfie. Stick. We bystanders are nothing but a means to an end for you people. The unsung heroes of a social media movement. Never have so many given so much, for so few. Cries of “Higher”, or “Kneel down, get my shoes.” or the occasional “Go back further” followed by “I’d be in the street?!” and then the dreaded “There’s no cars coming.” The struggle, as they say, is real.
Alright, fine. Maybe there will be some judgement. But only a little. It will quick. Like band-aid quick.
Look, it’s not that we don’t want to help you guys out. We love you and want you to succeed. Well love might be too strong a word for Kindly Stranger, but I’m sure they think very highly of you, at the very least they like you enough to not run away with your phone. That is not insignificant! But maybe not direct us like you’re Naomi Campbell and we are you assistant. I mean, one: we have your phone, so we are safe and two: a lot of us aren’t even photographers. We’re learning. It’s a process. For some of us, it’s quite a long process. Kind of like riding in a car during those old movies, the background is moving, you’re having a good time, but the car hasn’t budged.
Yes, ultimately taking pictures should go hand in hand with my day job. I’m a book editor you see. It’s my responsibility to make someone else look good. If I’m doing things right, you don’t even know I’m there. So theoretically, being the person behind the camera should come natural. It is my job to avoid the spotlight. The thing is, I’m more than a selfie stick. I am a fully realized individual.
I mean I have a favorite color, I put my pants on one leg at a time. I am more than a human sized app. I have DREAMS. I’m bigger than this one horse town. I want to see my name in Lights! …OK, so maybe I got a little carried away there. But here’s the deal. Maybe next time your partner/friend/family member/kindly stranger snaps that shot that gets 100 likes, toss them a kind word. Or baked goods. We selfie sticks love baked goods. Just ask any of us. Just maybe not Kindly Stranger, you’ve already asked them to take your picture in front of some graffiti, offering said person food from your bag might be crossing some unspoken social line.
Look we are here for YOU. We are your backup. Your ace-in-the-hole. When all the world is crashing down, the selfie sti…I mean dear, supportive fellow human. We willing extend out into the street. We sacrifice our desire to eat in the name of a pretty coffee pic. We stand alone in the crosswalk, silently dreading our imminent vehicular-based doom, all for the perfect shoe shot. All I’m asking is for the occasional brownie.
Whiskey is also acceptable.
Thanks for stopping by. I’ve been wanting to help out around the site in my own little way. Mostly that involves corny jokes and dated references. If you like it, I’ll try and stop by every month or so. If y’all have any ideas for something you’d like my own take on, be sure and let me know in the comments below.
Mr. Every Day Editor